euphoricragedotcom

that’s the first time i typed 2012 this year. ok that’s a lie, i typed it out in my previous blog. it’s been a pretty dangerous weekend, maybe friday the 13th is terrible bad luck after all. well at least for some people in water.

a cruise ship sank on friday. the captain hadn’t realised that ships dont bounce over rocks. it’s pretty weird you know, cars come with pdc and cameras, the infrared’s on the merc can even see in the dark, but why can’t ships come with camera’s that show the captain what lays in his path beneath the sea? it can’t be the cost, because the ship that crashed cost over €400 million. i mean it was all good for titanic, yes some people died, but the world got a really good story, a really good movie, celine dion’s heart wrenching song (with teary eyes “right across the distance, i see you, i feeeeel you) and of course kate winslet topless, but it’s really retarded when people die from stupid things. i wouldn’t mind dying on a ship if it was blown up by pirates, that’s cool. but imagine sitting in the waiting room just before the pearly gates, and the guy next to you leans over and says, so what got you here? and you have to tell him, a captain ran your ship into a rock, and that killed you.

well then there was a crazy australian who bungee jumped off a bridge at vic falls. who the fuck trusts zambia with bungee jumping? well, she’s going to be a celebrity. not that great though. her names erin langworthy. i bet you didn’t know that. but you’ve probably seen the video of her great escapade. funny, isn’t that what made kim k and paris famous? just saying.

on lesser tragedy-in-water affairs a man was eaten by a shark at port st johns, after struggling with it for about 5 minutes. a surfer close by said he was brave in fighting it but suffered fatal wounds. he wasn’t that close by i take it. nor was he much of a “we’ll get through this together” sort of guy. just saying.

in another incident a boy “disappeared” at hout bay. he is presumed to have drowned. i’m pretty sure a shark killed him, and actually ate all or most of him, because he wasn’t found after extensive searches. we could hate on sharks, they honestly scare me intensely. but the chinese eat sharks. they are fucking up mankind’s karma. and the ozone layer.

believe it or not, but two boys even drowned while swimming in a drain in jozi. it’s been pretty wild.i may be slightly paranoid this year, i have that feeling of intense suspense everytime i reach for the newspaper, and read it with the same expression as people watching days of our lives. but hey i met a girl with d cups today. and she added me on bbm. you may think my post today was retarded, but it actually had a message. sometimes you can’t really change fate, and your carriage shall indeed be drawn up to the pearly gates, but just make sure that it gets there engulfed in huge flames! forgive me now, for i have a pair of d cups to destroy. a-d-ios amigos!

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it has been awhile. i love saying that. but indeed it has been long. too long in fact. i have had a holiday. which means i stopped blogging. and then i extended that holiday. but today, i really felt the need to vent my views. i’m not really sure why. i did miss blogging, i’ll be honest. you can’t really say all the things you think of in the real world. well not all the things i think of anyway.

in a nutshell my holiday was good. i nearly got with one of my best friends. which is kind of awkward because she’s probably going to read this. but anyway, she has a good side step. and a good ass. i really don’t like new years and the december holidays. people act very weird, the weathers usually terrible and my housekeeper goes away. which is absolutely tragic. why do people act differently on holiday? why would you marvel at the blue sky on holiday, but not be so enrapt on every other blue skied day. people are silly and stupid. the country turns itself upside down, people from joburg go to durban or cape town. people from durban and cape town go elsewhere. the recession has caused for greater local tourism, an even greater switch. it’s sort of wife swap in a way. why do people have to retain their vows and spouses on holiday? fuck that’s a good question.

another pet hate of mine are new year resolutions. the most glaring problem is that a year might fit well as a period for somethings (school, tax), but there are very few goals that need an entire year, and of those that are, smaller monthly goals need to be set, because in january when the year is young we feel like there’s plenty of time and we become complacent, fast forward to the end of the year and there’s far too plenty to do in far too little a time. as a human race we need smaller steps, things that more easily acheivable. even nature works with us in months. ask a girl about her period. eeuw. wait. rather not. disclaimer: this does not work if you are setting goals for your future marriage and your name is kim kardashian. if that is you please email me. i watched your video. i like your style.

please can the chinese please leave our rhino’s alone! viagra is the 21st century rhino horn motherfuckers. i think government need to drop pamphlets in bruma and other china towns updating the small eyed nation. alternatively, we could just get clever and start farming rhino horns. just maybe? fucking demand for rhino horns is so high people?? why south africa do we not provide a supply??  i sometimes think i live in a retarded country. well, i use to, but then a lady got killed in a stampede trying to get her son’s application at uj. wtf? since when did people die trying to get into uj?! what made it worse, is that the son of the stampeded lady, actually got accepted, and is keen on studying there. dude! their stupidity killed your mom! well are you struggling to get into a varsity? have a spare parent? well then…how much are you willing to give?!

i may just be a bit caged up, but i have a weird feeling about what 2012 has in store for earth this year. it’s going to be great. i’m just not sure whether it’s going to be good or bad. but hey, rather bombs, tornadoes and tragedies than the thick, boring air of the mundane. but one thing’s for sure, south africans, get ready for some insane drama. our countries going mad.

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this is by far, the most devastating sickness affecting society. it probably surpassed even aids. aids kills, and that, in a way is sort of practical, because, the problem dies, although sometimes not as fast as mankind needs. cool crew syndrome does not kill, it infects and spreads so fast, like a tumour. giving power and superior ego’s to those that should never have them. it is evolutions greatest enemy. i call it, cool crew syndrome. ever noticed that most annoying bunch of people? always exaggerating their laughs, their cool handshakes. the most fucking annoying bunch of people. they are suffering from cool crew syndrome. they need to be shot. however, today is not a day of recruitment, today i shall enlighten.

you see, no energy can be created, its transferred or, fuck, i forgot newton. but the second part wasn’t important. i promise. so, these crews of utterly low coolness, try to create this “we are so cool” vibe by omg’ing and omw’ing everything that they do. they attempt to create this coolness by creating a bubble around them, and then sucking coolness from outside the bubble and transferring it within the bubble. they dramatise everything, a girl smiles at one of them, “you know i fucked her once”, “ohhh emm geee duude i can totally imagine you rocking that pussy”, “yeah, and then i did her mom”, “laaaarrk ohhh emm geee dude that is so totally cool”.  the bubble doesn’t allow negative vibes in, they just transform those into positive perceptions. they are essentially mutual masturbators. what bugs me so much about this horrid syndrome, is that people affected by this ailment actually think they are cool, and there are very, very few things that can burst that bubble. like corruption, the scary thing is that, it works well. all you have to do is mind fuck yourself slightly.

cool people don’t have to hear how cool they are from other people. you are cool if you can be yourself, say what ever you want to say, dress however you want to dress and do whatever you want to do. cool people don’t have to put other people down just to feel cool.

i guess its human nature to want to be apart of a gang/crew. we all want to feel that we belong to something of importance. but it’s up to ourselves to focus on our own selves first, to find our individual essence and to grow upon it. that way, and only that way, will be able to face human nature’s greatest fear. the fear of being alone.

to those of you who are part of a crew and think you are cool, fuck you! i hope you get cancer of your testicle. i hope your penis gets caught in a blender. i hope your eyelids gets caught in a tin can opener. or maybe, i should just hope that your bubble bursts.

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i have gotten rid of my movember. in fact, i got rid of it two weeks back. like most things, i love the novelty of new things,i get greatly inspired and make many claims, and then i get bored. and then ya, that mission just gets fucked. movember was cool though, while it lasted. it was like having the auspice of doing charity, while in reality just trying out really cool styles that you would be far too scared to try in any other month. also, you could finally get that point across to some girls in a nicer way. you know those girls that seem to think men are blind and have facial hair. if you are a girl, and if a guy asked you if you support movember and you haven’t gotten the hint, go die right now. by order of charles darwin.

for some reason, michael jackson’s doctor has been sentenced to four years in jail. the weird thing is, if someone had manned up to kill michael jackson a year before he died, the majority of the world would call him a hero. i feel sorry for conrad murray (mj’s doc), he didn’t seem to consider the world’s bipolar tendencies.

justin bieber has taken over kim k in the battle of “the most searched person”. the amount of girl’s under the age of ten using the internet has risen. i hope kim k takes this stat personally. whoop whoop another kim k porno. a girl told me justin bieber has a ten inch cock. i told her that’s true, it’s up his ass, and it belongs to usher. she then cried and ran back to her primary school.

the uk striked again today. it wasn’t as exciting as i thought it would be. they certainly haven’t reached the bar set by their previous protest. that shit was cool. they need to sort their shit out though, because it’s fucking up our country.

i hate the first of december. it’s like the final month of the year. too early for new resolutions, too late to do anything incredible to change the outcome of this year. it’s like i am blind folded from hope, and hand-cuffed from opportunity. maybe i am just in a sulky mood today. or maybe i am getting emo. well, at least the country will be on holiday. partying, sexing and just generally going crazy. sounds interesting.

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south africa had its first ufo conference on friday. i thought only american’s were retarded enough to believe in aliens. before you start questioning my integrity, i promise i’m not lying, because it get’s a lot more…..fucked up. so please, trust me on this one.

they claim that aliens control the political situation of the world, referring to “royal political bloodline’s”. motherfucker! how does jacob zuma look anything like princess diana??? do they really think saddam hussein and george w’s were related?? i get so annoyed and angry at people who think up such random, retarded, illogical conspiracies. they should be shot. and then hanged. we don’t have space for them on earth. in fact, they should call their alien friends and fuck off back to zerg land. or what ever they call the alien motherland. et was a retarded movie as well.

they also claim that the aliens are using technology to “thin” out the world’s population, to ensure their control over earth and her resources. they have never been to india or china. or listened to the news the other day, reporting the world’s population passing the 7 billion mark.

we are all fucked in our heads to some extent. even though i get really really worked up over these “weirdo’s”, i guess they make me cherish my own fucked up mind, because no matter how bad my mind may be sometimes, they are a million steps closer to being bipolar or schizo. et went home, and quite frankly, so should all those who believe that movie was a documentary.

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i am still alive. yesterday was hardcore. our democracy broke and then it poured down so heavily, i had to do 80 on the highway. it was terrifying. all i could see was the tail-lights of the car in front of me. all i did was follow. thankfully he didn’t crash.

speaking of censorship, pakistan’s mobile company has banned a list of over 1600 words, including “spanking my monkey”. i guess i’m lucky my blog doesn’t work through that country, because the only thing you’d be seeing is a blank page.

have you ever watched a musical? moulan rouge? maybe? no? well even if you didn’t you’d still be shocked to hear that sylvester stallone is going to be acting in one. even more shocking is that the musical is going to be based on rocky! the klitscho brothers are also set be cast in it, but how the fuck is that going to work? a rocky musical? the closest boxing ever came to a musical was when ali was in his golden age. stallone and the klitscho brothers can barely talk, nevermind their deeeeep voices. maybe they’l just hum the whole movie. either way, i ain’t watching that shit!

remember rosie huntington-whitely? i am so happy i rated her well on this blog previously, she has just shot a rather, generous, photo shoot for dt magazine. i guess the spaniards know how to rub her up because she reeeaaalllyyy gave them a lot of skin. google “rosie huntingon whitely dt” if you are keen to perv, or if you just curious. either way, you shall not be disappointed. some of the pictures from the shoot are hosted on here. only some.

the reason why i didn’t post rosies picture on this blog is because she may be pretty, but nowhere near mila kunis. the luckiest man in the world, some bald marine, posted a video on youtube asking mila out on a date. it was a dare from his friends. and it worked. she accompanied him to the marine corps ball, and she looked absolutely stunning!

to mila, if you are reading this, i have hair, and if i had friends as clever as baldies friends i too would have done the same. if you are reading this, please give me a call, oh wait, do you have mxit? she really has got to be the most gorgeous girl who ever lived. my fucking word!

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the info bill has just been passed by the mp’s in parliament. it is a shame, a tragedy, in fact today’s the day that many of the heroes of the struggle became villains of this very country. it is down this very road that we are now positioned to take, that the mubarak’s and the gadaffis’s had taken their countries 30 odd years ago. bright future? i think not.

the word’s of alfred adler come to mind, “it easier to fight for your ideals than to live by them”. so true indeed, the anc, that anc that fought so hard for democracy and human rights, is now using its power to pillage and rape every coffer in this country. the handcuffing of the press will only further their ability to steal without being prosecuted.

the anc will lose power. the question is when. it seems all the ideals and values of the anc under mandela has been lost. i hope it is soon, because the damage that can be inflicted upon our economy and infrastructure is scary.  mandela’s office has slammed the bill. i never thought i’d say this, but, fuck the anc, and fuck their oppressive bill.

it is through social media that investigative journalists have to turn to. blogs such as these in fact. fuck mac maharaj for stealing money. he might have won me freedom, and burnt my dompas, but he is a fucking rogue. i hope he burns to death. to all of you who wore black today, good on you. but this is just the beginning of the struggle for freedom. “my name is john connor and if you are hearing this, you are the resistance.”

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today i was quite bored. so bored in fact that i watched most of the test match today. i’m not sure if it was a boring day of cricket or whether any day of cricket is boring. note how often kepler wessels says the word “top”. he really needs a thesaurus.

however, soccer took the spotlight today, in the world of sport, with the rather controversial sepp blatter causing more controvesy with his words on racism. he said that any on field slurs should be resolved by a hand shake after the game. that’s just retarded. white people need to realise this, whenever the words “ethnic”, “culture”, “you people” or “black” is spoken by a white person it’s going to be taken as a racial slur by everyone else. white people love to bitch and moan about this, but hey when a lion walks to the river and every buck and zebra run for their lives, can the lion call them mean and unsociable? white people should realise that their forefathers were slave owners and afrikaaner’s and the average person of colour has not forgotten this. i for one, feel perfectly fine to wallow in my so-called insecurity of colour. it’s not that i get affected by it. i just love playing the race card. because i can.

i often get into arguments with white people. the moment i most enjoy is just after their all destroying punch-line, when i look at them with big shocked eyes and say “dude, that’s just so racist” and i promise you shall experience the victory in their eyes get swallowed by fear, shock and utter confusion followed by immense frustration. the race card has immunity you see, it cannot be discarded and it can be used again and again, but the beauty is, the white man cannot argue it!

i don’t want white people to get shot, or killed. i find that white girls have the nicest legs in this country and that white guys are often really fun people. i have a white friend even. but there are times like these, where these aspects (pulling the race card) of our society can actually add value to our culture and identity. the “joke” should always be allowed to venture over boundaries and laws, because it’s just light-hearted fun. however, sepp blatter must die, his bald head shines too much and his accent fucking annoys me. he seems to have turned fifa into a mafia regime and let’s be honest, he is no al capone! terry should be forgiven, he has a forehead the size of africa, and he plays for a country that never wins anything. but as for suarez is concerned, he must die, he robbed ghana off a world cup semi final, and as far as i’m concerned, dude, that is fucking racist!

you may seem pretty confused about the fine line between joke and racism, it’s pretty simple you see, the better you are on the bee rating, the more cowboyish you can be with the race jokes. to those white people out there, i guess all you have now are stories of “the good ol’ days”.

Posted in into the deep