solar flares, its all the rage
well after the whole deep heat incident, i picked up my blackberry and checked my bbm and news apps, and you have no idea how i laughed when i heard of the impending solar flares. trust me, solar flares have nothing on deep heat shower gel. i was a bit scared, the problem was, i forgot what time the “danger zone” was and i was probably driving around at the time. nothing cool happened unfortunately. i was hoping for hardcore rays of orange and red flames to descend from the sky. i was so desperate for a sign of this danger that i even looked at the sun. my eyes did hurt. but then i realised, when you look at a “normal” sun your eyes hurt as well.
to say i read broadcast messages on bbm with a pinch of salt would be a lie, i rarely ever read them and when i actually do, i always believe the exact opposite. especially when it’s like “poor katey clarckson went missing yesterday and she has cancer and no parents and she got raped and her rhino was poached and the flooding at kruger washed her home away and if you bbm this to 10 people she will get her parents back”. honestly??? fuck that. why do people create these sad fucking stories and broadcast them. why do people re-broadcast them? today’s broadcast had a link. which annoyed me. the motherfuckers are trying to get credible. well, i read the story on news24. yes, there was solar flare yesterday. no it wasn’t going to fuck anything up. well not today anyway.
you see, the sun has these regular periods of increased solar activity, much like girls, which is expected to peak at the end of this year or next year. it’s a pity we couldn’t send the mother of all tampons into space to absorb all the radiations because, well, i don’t know why. maybe no one ever thought it before. except me. in this period there will be more solar flares than normal, but the scary shit is that the harmful stuff which are the x-rays and uv-rays, hit planet earth only 8 minutes after the actual flare. this means countries will have to create early warning systems so that dumb people can get scared about nothing and send long broadcasts about the end of the world. thankfully, in our country that would never happen, because our government is retarded, our early warning systems just wouldn’t work.
so what’s the worse that could happen? honestly, no one really knows. the worst known solar flare to mess with earth was in 1859. there was fuck-all back then, besides telegraphs. no one died. the telegraph wires went a bit haywire which leads scientists to believe, a deadly flare in today’s world would mess up cellphone/radio/airplane signals as well as mess up power stations causing huge blackouts. say that to someone who has a blackberry and who gets electricity from eskom. that is a fucking daily issue.
i guess today just proved how retarded some people are. maybe the mayans believed that 2012 was not the year the world would be destroyed, but the year in which mankind would lose its ability to think critically. i think that’s even more scary, because i rather be dead and not alive, than be alive but dead.
