deep heat shower gel
i love taking long showers, in fact i usually only really wake up ten minutes into a shower. the hot water and the sound of flowing water gently lift the veil of slumber, carrying me gently on wings of soft velvet into the most horrific part of my day; the morning. i hate mornings. i hate waking up to the bright sun, having to always catch up to a day that has always begun before i woke up. if i had my child born between 6am and 12pm i would call him/her motherfucker. no lies.
but this morning was extra terrible. i was about twenty minutes in, the bathroom was steamy, i had lovely smelling shampoo in my hair and then i found a bottle of deep heat shower gel. usually on all these bottled, boxed or canned things, there are massive warnings that exaggerate any whisker of impending danger; like, on a take away coffee cup “warning:contents may be hot”. there was none on the deep heat shower gel, i was wary, i had checked, even at that time of morning. boys are always careful with deep heat. being the clean, well-groomed man that i am, i was washing myself pretty thoroughly. i do realise now, that the mild warming sensation i felt over my biceps should have been a warning in itself, but at the time, i thought it was rather marvelous. well, until i started soaping up my penis. at first it was a rather exciting tingling sensation. this was followed by that all-knowing horrific burn. the burn that gets more intense and flares up when you try to wash it off with water. it was terrible. i even tried using a hair dryer. both the hot and cold functions, just didn’t work. it was like getting bj’ed by a volcano.
to the men out there, be warned. if you work for deep heat, fuck you. if you are a lady on the other hand, with massive appetite, sniff around for a man who smells like deep heat shower gel. you may think you have game, but a man with a fire-hardened tool, well, he ain’t playing games!
